The Colbert Report/Episode/501
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro Stephen Somberly Considers This Historic Day * continuing live coverage 20th of January, the year of Our Lord two-thousand and nine ** Barack Obama has been inaugurated President of the United States of America * it was brave of Stephen to admit that * men will marry each other * Stephen didn't want Obama pres of America ** wanted him to be president of Nicaragua * Stephen will support him as long as he is popular * starting around 11:30 am EST * Aretha Franklin stole a bow off a Lexus for the occasion * Stephen got something in his eye * 2 million people gave the Queen of Soul * Stephen is allergic to cats, there must be one in The Eagle's Nest * made his powergrab * Stephen is not angry ** deal you watch; he screams * felt like his heart is about to burst as though filled with rainbows * Lowery's benediction is best Dr. Seuss book ever * Stephen wishes he was black for one day ** shouldn't put on make-up ** talking about it is a bad idea Live Report From Washington * P.K. Winsom ** at the Black Republican Ball with Michael Steele * PK was already in Washington for a meeting of his program, "Doctors Within Borders" ** like a free clinic *** except you get examined in a Border's Bookstore *** and it's not free * sled down the top of Martin Luther King's mountaintop on the Barack O-Boggan ** made of all synthetic materials ** cry "Wee!" at last (thank God almighty, wee at last) * Did you ever think you'd ever live to see this day? ** "Yes I Thought I'd Live To See This Day" t-shirts *** message: we (African-Americans) don't age in dog years; we live just as long as everyone else. Stop asking us when we're going to die * J.C. Watts (referee for foosball) SEGMENT3 * stop calling him President-elect ** calling him the cause of all our problems * comparing himself to Lincoln * Joe Biden was sworn in on the Hogawart's Spellbook * Stephen's Sound Advice * Stephen is an expert on Abe Lincoln ** knows what's going on inside his head * Political Life ** Lincoln filled his cabinet with rivals ** Clinton, Biden, bowling ball ** create rivalries within the cabinet * Intellectual Life ** Lincoln ** first to call pizza "zza" ** read his writings * Personal Life ** have a crazy wife ** strength he gained from his crazy wife "Mary Todd" * drive Michelle wacko ** re-hem her clothing eventually she will think she's becoming a giant * Do Grow A Beard ** full Santa * car named after you like the Chrysler van Buren Interview * Jabari Asim * book: "What Obama Means: ...for Our Culture, Our Politics, Our Future" * more live coverage in the studio * Obama means "hello" and "goodbye" in Hawaiian * What does Obama mean? ** wrote the book as a way to look at Obama's effect on the nature, metaphorically * project our hopes and dreams on Obama ** should also fears and nightmares * see him as a mirror * as an African-American on TV, he speaks for all blacks * we will be like vestigial fish that get trapped in caves and go blind * what is the opportunity? ** Stephen likes to make a buck * choose our better history * how best can we move forward together through mutual investment * not be dragged, develop momentum reach escape velocity from history * also wrote a book "What McCain Means" ** he's not authorized to discuss it * focused on campaign, not presidency ** willing to vote for a black guy Epilogue * Dr. Colbert noticed something interesting about Obama's inauguration: ** it seemed to mean something special to African-Americans ** and Stephen * this must logically mean Stephen is black ** he doesn't see race but, people tell him he's white because he dances with his thumbs out * Stephen realizes that he and Obama are like family ** sometimes they will agree, sometimes they will disagree * Stephen wished everyone goodnight and God Bless America Gallery Image:StephenWelcomesPresidentObama.jpg Image:ShrinkyDinks.jpg Image:BarackO-Boggan.jpg Image:LiveToSeeTheDayT-Shirt.jpg Image:StephenPKGetGrooveOn.jpg Image:BidenOathHogwarts.jpg Image:LincolnQuoteEnemiesRear.jpg Image:StephenReadsLincoln.jpg Image:StephenMaryToddLincoln.jpg Image:GrowABeard.jpg Image: Image: Image: Motherload Videos External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments